The day Mr Popo got bored
by R. K. Iris
Summary: Bulma came back home to a nightmare—Vegeta's got a cat on his shoulder, her father's in spandex, her daughter's wearing glasses, her son's in his underwear, her dog's pouring tea, her mother's on a leash and her best friends are a komodo dragon and a flamingo—and Goku's trying to eat Krillin. This is what happened the day Mr. Popo got bored. T for Bulma's mouth.
1. Part 1

**A/N: Hey guys! This is my first DBZ fanfic...I've written a lot of APH fanfics (okay, not a lot, but still) so I thought I'll extend my borders...**

**Okay, I'm lying.**

**I had a freaking hilarious dream—so I just lay in bed, trying to get it out in words, and this is what I got—a komodo dragon, a flamingo, an old man and Bulma trying to search for the dragon balls. Add my flair for the dramatic, my love for the Brief's family and my fear of Team Four Star's Mr. Popo, and I got this...thing. My first DBZ fanfic. Yay.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own DBZ. If I did, ChiChi would've yelled Frieza to death, and that saga would've been over in, like, five minutes. Seriously.**

* * *

The day Mr. Popo got bored

Part 1

Mr. Popo was bored.

Now, usually, that wasn't a good thing. If Mr. Popo was bored, it would mean that he would've finished watering the flowers, torturing the weeds and pests, cleaning up around Dende's lookout, appearing in Dende's nightmares and basically...just doing stuff. But Mr. Popo was bored, and that meant he had time to cause tsunamis, earthquakes, famines, droughts and basically enjoy himself as he tortured people using his powers.

Now, to do things like that, he didn't need the dragon balls. Nuh uh. He practiced black magic (**gee, doesn't that sound just about right**) and since Dende was too busy trying to shake off his nightmares, pretty much nobody disturbed him.

He drew a circle in the ground, and there appeared a see-through portal to the world below him. He browsed through oceans, continents and people killing each other, and stopped over one enormous dome-shaped house.

Capsule Corp.

He zoomed in. He could see the ones they called Goku and Krillin laughing about something Krillin had said, and the saiyan called Vegeta harassing his father-in-law, who, by most normal circumstances, wasn't even supposed to be alive. A small smile tugged on Mr. Popo's red, fat lips. He might've had something to do with that.

He moved the portal a little, and saw the children of the saiyan Vegeta fighting over some trivial thing, like most brothers and sisters do. Mr. Popo would know—he killed his own brothers and sisters before he came to Kami—oops, Dende's lookout. He heard a shrill, high pitched voice call out, and moved down. The one called Mrs. Briefs was busy feeding the dog.

His fat, red lips curved even more.

Mr. Popo found something to occupy his time.

* * *

Bulma hefted up the heavy brown grocery bag to her chest. It didn't contain groceries—in a house where there were, technically, two saiyans, she sure as hell couldn't shop for groceries. It wasn't the option of bankruptcy, but more like who the hell would carry all that stuff. No, she had a farm the size of four football fields locked up in a capsule.

She'd been to a junkfest, where she found so many old machine parts that she thought she'd never see again. Some parts brought along ideas for new instruments, and within two hours, she had a sizable haul. She would've put it in a capsule and popped it inside her pocket, but carrying brown grocery bags like this made her feel _normal_, although even she knew that carrying old-timer gears was no one's idea of normal.

She walked back home, the tune she'd heard at the fest on her lips. She stepped inside the compound of their enormous home, and looked around, appreciating the huge spaces around the main house. She was a billionairess, but that didn't stop her from enjoying the pleasure of the small things in life.

She walked to the door, and found it unlocked. Strange. She frowned. Her father always kept it locked. She cautiously opened the door. "Is anyone home?" she said to the ominous creak of the front door.

"Welcome home, baby girl."

She blinked. The hell—? "Vegeta?" she squeaked

Her saiyan husband appeared in front of her, smoking up hell with that cigarette in his mouth. "Oh, Vegeta? That lad's around here, somewhere. He was screaming when he disappeared. Let me"—

"Wait...what? Vegeta, there's a _cat_ on your neck!"

Vegeta had an uncharacteristically—no, _creepily—_calm expression on his face as he looked at the black cat. "Yes, Bulma. This is Scratch."

Bulma set the bag down, and took both the cigarette and the cat from Vegeta. "What kind of a joke is this, Vegeta"—

"I'm not"—

"Wife!"

Bulma blinked. "Dad's in a bad mood."

"No, I'm not. You're hurting Scratch, though," Vegeta said.

Okay, she'd had enough. "Vegeta, stop"—

"Wife!"

"Dad, she'll probably be there in the kitchen!" Bulma called out, and turned to her husband with a frown on her face. "Now, look here, Vegeta"—

"Where the _hell_ have you been?"

Bulma gaped. "Dad, have you been drink"—

Dr. Briefs stopped dead in his tracks, his face becoming as ashen as his face as he stared at Vegeta. "_You_."

Vegeta blinked at his father-in-law. "Where are my glasses?"

Had she come home, or to a circus? Muttering under her breath, she pushed past her husband and father, just to hear shrieking. "What the hell is wrong with this"—she let out a shriek of her own as a flamingo appeared before her. "Why is there a"—she paled as a kimono dragon appeared, licking its chops.

_Fuck_.

She turned around and walked as fast as she could, only to have her son and daughter storm right before her. "Mom, what the _hell_ is going on?" Trunks screeched in a high pitched voice.

"Mother, why am I a girl?" Bra asked with a demureness she had never hoped possible in her daughter.

"Mom! I demand an ans"—

"Trunks, stop screeching!"

"Mother, I am not screeching," Bra said quietly, pushing up glasses—_glasses? Nerdy glasses?—_up her nose.

She was suddenly becoming dizzy. Dr. Briefs and Vegeta walked in, her father in nothing but his pants, and her husband smiling—_smiling—_at the black cat. The komodo dragon and the flamingo joined them, and all of them began staring at Bulma, who was slowly going insane.

_Okay, okay. You aren't genius, multi-billionaire extraordinaire for nothing_. "I-I'm going to c-call out your names, o-okay"—

"What's the meaning of this?" her father demanded, but Bulma decided to ignore him until she had her facts straight. "Okay. Dad."

"Hi, darling."

Bulma's heart skipped a beat. "Vegeta."

Her father gave out a loud harrumph.

"Bra."

Her son blew the hair out of his eyes. "Yes, mom."

"Trunks."

Her daughter pushed up her large glasses up her nose. "Here, mother."

Right then, Krillin walked in, bobbing his entire torso to and fro as he walked. He turned around, and squalled loudly, which was quickly smothered by Goku pouncing on him, pinning him on the ground. Krillin wailed and wailed as Goku licked his chops.

Something was about to click in her head. "G-Goku."

The komodo dragon turned from the tumble to Bulma, an inquisitive expression on its scaly face.

"K-K-Krillin."

The flamingo turned from peering at the flowers to Bulma.

Bulma was as white as the cotton shirt Krillin was wearing. She sunk to the floor, unable to even lift her hands to her head at the shock. One half of her mind whirred with possibilities, and the other just...stayed there. In absolute shock.

"Mom? Are you alright?"

That snapped her—that truly, truly snapped her. "No, darling. It seems that my father's my husband, my husband's my father, my children have exchanged bodies and my best friends are a fucking komodo dragon and a flamingo! A _flamingo_, for God's sake!"

"Woof!"

Their dog walked in, carrying a tea tray, followed by Mrs. Brief. On a leash.

"And my mom's a dog!" Bulma yelled. Her mind couldn't take this anymore, and shut down right on her.

* * *

"Bulma. Bulma."

Bulma slowly opened her eyes, and her father's wizened face loomed into her vision. "Oh, da—right. You're my husband."

He snorted. Dr. Briefs snorted. "You've got that right, woman."

Bulma slowly rose, and saw the komodo dragon sitting by her side. She could fucking cry, but it wasn't the time for all that. "Okay, everyone in the room, now. Da—Vegeta, go get everyone."

He crossed his arms over his bare, skinny chest and huffed. "No."

She had enough. She grabbed her dad/husband by his shoulder, and turned him to her. "You listen here. I am not fucking forsaking my husband so that I'm stuck with him in _my dad's body_ for the rest of his damn _life_. Now, if you don't fucking do what I say, I will _sit_ on you. And you may be able to flick me off like lint when you're you, but you're _not_ you, so _shut the fuck up_ and do as I say, okay?"

"I want a divorce."

"Get the hell out!" she yelled, and had the freakishly awkward pleasure of watching her dad/husband run out of the room. She turned to the komodo dragon. "You might be hungry, but if you so much as _put_ your tongue _out_ in _my_ general direction, I will cut your tongue out...Goku. I mean it."

The large lizard stepped back, an awkward movement for the huge creature, while Bulma had trouble realizing that she'd called a lizard Goku. The flamingo, her children, her dad/husband, her husband/dad, Goku, Krillin, the dog and her mom on a leash entered the room, and she stared at all of them.

"Okay, so..." she turned to her husband/dad, who was probably the most sane person in the room. "What were you doing, dad?"

She had the pleasure of seeing her husband scratch his head thoughtfully, even if it was just the body. "Well...let's see. I was working on that battery you'd asked for the Gravity room when Vegeta came in with the broken bots. I took them from him, and saw the shrapnel in his arm. I tried to take it out, and...I was staring at myself."

Okay. Fine. That was an explanation. She turned to her children. "What were you upto?"

"Trunks was trying to snatch my board propellers!"

Bra gasped dramatically, something Bulma never thought she'd see. "You were _eating_ off them! _Eating_!"

She watched as her children fought with each other, but Goku had her attention soon. "Goku, _don't_—!"

Goku rose, and chomped down on Krillin's head. Krillin squalled, and wailed when Goku sunk his teeth in.

"Tickles, _sit_!"

Goku released Krillin's head, spat out stray hair and sat back, head downcast.

"Thanks."

She saw Vegeta smile, and just _had_ to turn away. "Please, for the love of _God_, _don't smile_."

"Oh. Sorry."

"But you can say that," she said, head snapping around. "As many times as you"—

"Woman! What are we to do?!"

Honestly, her dad's voice wasn't made for yelling. "I was thinking dragon ball hunting...We could wish you all back. Trunks—Oh..." She turned to her purple haired child. "Bra, how fast can you fly?"

Bulma had to live through the nightmare of seeing her eldest child snort. "Fast."

"Okay. Fine. Someone call Goten, and find the Dragon"—she stopped to stare at the dog.

It was pouring tea.

People were already moving—Bra had a phone in her hand and was saying, "Sup, dude?" while her dad in Vegeta's body went searching for the radar.

Bulma sat back, and tried to relax. _The song at the junkfest sale...try remembering that,_ she told herself.

But she couldn't remember it for the life of her.

* * *

**A/N: That's part one...Part two will be out soon.**

**This bloody thing isn't saving...I've already rewritten this thrice...and it's killing me.**

**And as for potty mouth...Vegeta in Dr. Brief's body's going to try and get really close to his wife, so there's going to be more potty mouth, don't worry.**

**Tell me what you think...Reviews make me hap-py!**

**R. K. Iris.**


	2. Part 2

**A/N: I wonder how the first part was...I swear to god, I'm going to have Mr. Popo dreams and it'll all be because of this...so if you enjoy it, let me know, so that at least ****_something_**** good does come out.**

**Now, I have two endings in mind...let's see what works out. **

**Disclaimer: I don't own DBZ/GT/AF or any of the characters...if I did, I would've given all of the second generation characters love interests other than each other, like with Videl and Gohan. That's a cute couple! ^^**

* * *

The day Mr. Popo got bored

Part 2

She'd never thought the day would come when she'd have to say something like what she's said to Goten.

She had taken a deep breath. "Goten," she'd said, "Meet your dad."

No reaction. He hadn't screamed, laughed, yelled bloody murder, gone crazy, robbed a bank...nothing. He just sighed and asked, "What happened?"

Bulma'd wanted to rob a bank.

So, she sat there and explained everything to him while he drank tea the dog had poured**—**she refused to touch the stuff—as calmly as the queen of...wherever. He was supremely calm, which made her believe he'd exchanged bodies with...

Honestly, she knew no one who would've been calm at knowing their father was a _komodo_ _dragon_.

Hell, her father was her _husband_, but whether it was an improvement from being a giant lizard, she didn't know.

"So, you want me to go dragon ball hunting with...Bra/Trunks?" Goten asked as he popped in a cake the dog had put on the table.

"Goten...don't eat that."

"Why? It's food."

And that pretty much summed up the appetite of the Son family. Or any other Saiyan family, including her mismatched own.

"Well, I'll go with Bra/Trunks...I don't think the other one wants to go."

Bulma shook her head. "I'm keeping them at home. Do hurry."

Goten nodded, and called out for Trunks. Trunks in Bra's body arrived, wearing the usual open jacket and vest that clearly showed the ample curve of Bra's breasts.

Goten stared, then looked away, blushing. "Um, buddy, how about you wear a...breast supportive-thingy?"

Bulma nearly spluttered on her own spit. She knew this day would be tough—asking her daughter to wear a bra.

But, honestly, she didn't think it'd be this hilarious.

Trunks/Bra blushed, and pushed the glasses up. "Let's just go. See you, mother."

"Bye, Bulma." And both of them took off from the window.

Bulma sat back and sighed when she heard, "Wife!"

"Would you just _shut up_?" she yelled back.

"I want you to fulfill my needs!"

Oh no. This was not happening. This was _not fucking happening_.

She just did not hear her husband say that. In her dad's voice.

And then she said something she'd never thought she'd tell her dad's body—

"Go shag!"

"What is this 'shag'?"

Oh fuck. She just needed to go deaf now, and the world would be better.

But unfortunately, she heard someone creep in, and when she opened her eyes, she found Goku staring at her, his face just inches off hers. He leaned in, and ran his tongue over her face.

That was _it_.

She kneed Goku/Tickle and he rolled off, clutching his groin. A sayian's body might be made of iron, but, as Bulma knew by experience, his balls were not. As she walked, her eyes fell on a videocam.

Her turquoise eyes gleamed.

Let the fun begin.

* * *

"Umm, dude?"

"Yeah, Goten?"

"Your boobs are squishing into my arm."

"...They are?"

"I'm a guy, so...but your sister'll kill me. Or your dad might. Or both of them might."

"I'd kill you first, but my sister has no stamina...This is sad."

Goten looked away. He thought different.

Goten landed, a tired Bra/Trunks on his arm. The day was so many different shades of fucked up Trunks couldn't even begin to imagine. Trunks reached out to scratch his crotch, but the thought of doing that in his sister's body...

The day was really screwed.

They walked over to where everyone had been assembled and paired up—Dr. Briefs and Vegeta, Bra and Trunks, the dog and Mrs. Briefs, Goku and Twinkle, and Krillin and the flamingo, who were eying each other dubiously. Goten stood next to Bulma, and assembled all the seven dragon balls, and stood back. "Rise, Shenron!"

The sky went black, and the balls started glowing (**That sounds wrong on so many levels**) and the dragon rose. Honestly, they'd done this so many times Bulma wanted to yawn. But, the dragon could inhale her in one breath, much less eat her up, and she didn't want to appear as a spoiled, stuck up, disrespectful woman.

"You have summoned me. Ask me your wish."

Bulma looked up at the green dragon, and explained what was going on. (**Read Summary**) Finally, she said, "O Shenron, can you reverse this phenomenon?"

The dragon's red eyes didn't glow, to Bulma's surprise. "I cannot grant that wish. This phenomenon is produced by a power greater than mine."

"Can you summon this creature here?" Bulma asked.

The dragon's eyes glowed, and pop! came a black genie with big eyes and red lips.

"Mr Popo?" Bulma squeaked. "You did this?"

"Hi," Mr Popo said. A shudder ran through her at the sound of his voice.

"Hello, Mr. Popo. Why did you do this?"

Mr Popo drilled his ear, then flicked the black wax off his black finger. "I was bored. I am bored. I do things when I'm bored."

Bulma was in no mood or shape to argue with anyone. Her mind worked fast. "I'll give you a Rubix cube."

"I made the bastard who thought of the Rubix cube."

Bulma thought. "I'll give you the komodo dragon, that damn flamingo, the dog and an extra something if you reverse what you've done with them. But first your end."

"First the extra something."

Bulma swung over the videocam, and everyone gasped—even the damn flamingo. Mr. Popo looked at the videocam and nodded. He clicked his fingers.

There was only one way to confirm. "Oi, Vegeta, what colour panties was I wearing yesterday?"

Vegeta grinned wickedly. "Black. I incinerated them. Plus, I"—

"Okay, dad, information overload," Bra said, waving at Vegeta to shut his mouth.

Goku crawled up to Bulma. "You won't really cut my tongue out, will you?"

"Hmm...I don't know. You did lick my face"—

"_Kakarott, you're fucked_!" And her husband pounced on her best friend who, thankfully, wasn't a komodo dragon anymore. Krillin walked around them, holding his head. "I hope Vegeta doesn't punch him in the teeth...look at the number he's done to my forehead! Eighteen's going to kill me!"

"More like laugh at you," Goten smirked.

"Krillin, you just got owned," Trunks added, and Krillin glared at them, but couldn't sustain it for long. He just always got owned. It wasn't fair.

Life was better as a flamingo.

"Well, flamingo, lizard, dog—all yours," Bulma said, turning to Mr. Popo.

But he was gone.

Vegeta got off Goku, having beaten him up to his satisfaction. "Wife!"

"Yes, dumbass."

"What is 'shag'?"

Bulma snorted. "Wouldn't I like to teach you?"

And they all walked back into the house, not touching each other, except for Bulma and Vegeta.

But it wasn't hands they were holding.

* * *

Mr. Popo let out a small sigh.

He was bored.

The lizard had been skillfully tortured and skinned, the flamingo converted into pillow fluff, and the dog...the dog was alright. It could serve him tea and cupcakes, so he kept the dog.

He sat back, and drew a small circle, revealing the see-through portal.

Time to have some fun.

* * *

**A/N: Big question: Had Mrs. Briefs and the dog exchanged places? ehehehe...you tell me. **

**Well, I hope you enjoyed this. Tell me if you want me to continue this, and maybe...who knows? I might get a hilarious dream sometime soon, and...ideas always help, though. So, do let me know what you think Mr. Popo does when he's bored.**

**I hope you enjoyed my first crack DBZ fanfic...let me know what you think. Reviews make me happy!**

**R. K. Iris.**


	3. Bulma's Birthday

**Disclaimer: Don't own Dragonball, Dragonball Z and Dragonball GT...I have the disclaimer the Team Four Star guys put up before every video byhearted, but it's going to take too long to write.**

* * *

The day Mr. Popo was bored

Bulma's Birthday.

Mr. Popo was bored.

Now, that isn't a good thing for all those around him. He usually got his kicks from scaring Dende—the dog had died due to being overworked—but what fun was there in scaring a bald, green midget alien who was suddenly God?

Nothing.

So, after watering the plants, causing a tsunami that submerged an island, cleaning up the lookout, wiping out an entire race of humans, upgrading the dragon balls and putting Dende off his sleep for the next three days, he found himself ridiculously bored.

He drew a circle on the ground with a fat, black finger, and opened a portal. He knew where he was going, but being as powerful as he was, he could take his time watching people die in agony. He moved across war-torn areas, an orphanage, a failed harvest and a drowning man before finally coming to where the Z gang was settled.

Yawn.

They were being less boring than usual, since they were all drinking and celebrating something. The blue haired broad—one of the few interesting characters in the room—thunked her glass on the table and said, "I bet you wimps can't scare me for peanuts."

"That's why they're wimps, woman," the spiky haired saiyan said. Vegeta, if Mr. Popo remembered.

"Bulma, just get on with the game, please," the bald midget maggot asked...he wasn't bald. When had he grown his hair?

"Alright, then," the Bulma character said. "I challenge all the human males in this room"—Vegeta snorted—"to scare me in the next two days."

"Bulma, you should know better than to do things like that," Chichi said, coming in. Mr. Popo's eyes perked. If there was a woman he would like to have as an ally when he destroyed the world, _she_ would be the one. That skill with a frying pan was not something everyone got. "Besides, it's your birthday in two days."

She grinned at Chichi and turned to the boys. "What do you say, Challenge accepted?"

The human males in the room grinned and nodded. "Challenge accepted."

Mr. Popo looked at the crowd, and his eyes twinkled with malvolent amusement.

He'd found a cure for his boredom.

* * *

Bulma was scared.

Now, there wasn't a lot that could scare good ol' Bulma. But fuck it, she was piss-ass scared.

And Krillin wasn't helping-his whiny voice and his sobbing laughter was getting on her nerves. She would happily throw him to the ghouls, or at least tape his mouth if she could.

"Krillin, shut the _fuck_ up, please," Bulma whispered pleadingly, looking around. _Why the hell do we have a lamp_? she roared in her head, and quietened down. There was no way in hell she was going to accidentally make herself hear something.

"Bulma, I"—

"Zip it, or I swear to God I'll leave you here"—

Wrong thing to say, because he screamed. "Nononononono, Bulma, plllllleas"—

"Krillin. Shut. Up."

"Okay, okay, I can do that"—

He said some more, but she zoned him out. He talked too much, but in circumstances like this, he couldn't shut up if it saved him, forget her. She looked around. _It looked so pretty just two hours ago_, she thought. Krillin had got her here to allow the others to prepare a surprise birthday party for her-not so much of a surprise, since Krillin had let it slip. He'd also let slip that Vegeta was helping, and that was the only reason she'd agreed to stay with her best friend. Then their-

Bulma spun around. She'd long before broken the heels off her stilettos and had kept one in hand and the other in her pocket.

Krillin jumped a feet into the air. "W-W-W-W-What is it?" he stammered.

If she could lose him, she'd be less scared, but Krillin, surprisingly, was physically stronger than she was. "I thought I heard leaves rustling," Bulma whispered, her eyes darting in the dark. She was scared to raise the torch above eyelevel in case some dense bastard decided to sneak up on her.

She had a good idea why this was happening. The last time they'd all met up, the gang had played a game of Challenge, and Bulma had challenged every man—she'd pointedly excluded the saiyans—there to scare the shit out of her. She was pretty sure Yamcha was around, getting his goddamn kicks. Asshole wasn't getting laid, and seeing his ex-ex-god-knows-how-many-ex girlfriend screaming her pretty arse off was his way of getting excited.

And he had good strategy, too-anyone staying close to Krillin was bound to get more scared than they would, alone.

Yamcha'd better enjoy his last few hours being a male, because when she got her hands on him...

"Bulma, there's a path there! If we follow it"—

"Good idea," Bulma said. After doing a check of the space before her, she flashed the light to the path and hurried onto it. "Which way?" she whispered, and gulped down a scream at the crunch of wood. She didn't look down; she lifted her left foot and put it down, relaxing a little at the crunch of wood she heard again. It was just her. "It's just me," Bulma whispered to Krillin, and he gulped audibly and nodded quickly. "You look that way, I'll look this way," Bulma said.

_Why the hell is it so quiet_? Bulma thought as she looked around. There were fucking crickets around-the only thing she could hear was Krillin breathing so fast she was hoping he'd hyperventilate. But that would mean dragging him around, so she didn't want to hope.

"Look, Bulma, a house!"

"What's a house doing"—

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAARGH!"

Without thinking, Bulma turned and ran in the opposite direction, holding up the lantern in front of her, her throat filled with her hyperventilating heart going at amazing speeds. Krillin ran behind her—she wished to Dende he wasn't running behind her. She ran and ran, and ran through the woods, gasping as something tore at her skin and clothes. "Krillin, fucking _fly_, damn you!" she yelled.

She heard him fall behind her. She spun around, and dragged him to his feet. "I said _fly,_ not _fall_!" she yelled at him.

"It's not working!" he cried.

That stopped Bulma dead in her tracks. Krillin ran forward, turned, came back and dragged her into motion. "_Move_, Bulma!"

"What the hell do you mean you can't fly?" she yelled.

"I can't _fly_, dammit! How hard is that to get!"

Now she was pissed. She stopped, and pulled Krillin to a halt by his collar. "Now you're as strong as I am—no, I'm stronger," Bulma told him, and turned around. "You slimy bastards, get your asses before me right now!" she yelled, picking up a branch. "You want me, you'll get me!"

Nothing. No sound whatsoever. No hyperventilated breath-

Oh fuck.

Bulma spun. No Krillin.

She was getting even more scared. Why the fuck was she getting even more scared? This wasn't happening! "Yamcha, I will fucking stuff my mouth with your balls after I cut them out if you don't stop this! I swear"—

_What makes you think that maggot is doing this_?

The voice was everywhere. It was one voice overlapping the other. But she recognized all the voices, including the one that never gave her any sleep. "Mr. Popo! Why are you doing this?" she yelled.

_I'm bored_.

She would've replied, but her attention was dragged elsewhere, and the first thing she thought was:

_Oh my fucking eyes_.

But she didn't close her eyes because she was afraid someone else would pop up, but she was pretty sure nothing could possibly make her eyes melt and ooze out like a pink Freiza in a Superman suit.

"What the fuck are you wearing?" she yelled at him/her. _Don't close your eyes, don't close them, don't close..._

He/she opened his/her mouth, and out came red cockroaches and neon green beetles, knocking out the last two yellow teeth in the tar-black mouth.

Bulma opened her mouth—she didn't know if she shrieked—and stepped back into something hard and...gooey?

Gasping, she turned and saw a melting blue form that seemed to ooze all over the place. "C-C-Cell?"

He opened his mouth, and the goop that was his eyes trickled over his melted lips and into his mushy green-and-black mouth.

"Y-You moult, not _melt_!" she gabbered, and shrieked, reflexively dodging the eye, tongue and something else that Bulma didn't care about he spat out. She stepped away from him, and something crunched under her foot.

"AAAARGH!" she screamed, and jumped ten feet into the air, but her eyes fell on something that choked her scream and murdered it. She raised a shaking finger at Babidi wearing nothing but an orange wig over his larvae-like head, a black net bra filled by his bulbous eyes and a paint job where his crotch supposedly was, done in an 'M'.

She started laughing, but it turned into a scream as a neon green bug climber over her leg. She shook it off her leg, picked up a bug covered stone and threw it at pink Superman, regretting it instantly. The stone stayed embedded where his/her nose was while the bugs made short work of his/her eyes.

_Nightmare_, her mind told her. But it wasn't a nightmare—she would know. And it—

When Cell tore his chest into two with gloppy fingers and released Krillin out, it became more than a nightmare.

As she watched her best friend's hair turn into pasta, glowing blue periodically, it became a horror movie.

She needed to get out—no, she needed to beat these guys—she needed to go home—she needed to be safe—

"VEGETA!"

Nothing. Just like she expected. Fine. She looked at her lamp, and looked at the stack of leaves there.

She hurled the lamp with all her might at the tree—the glass shattered, and the lamp fell into the stack of leaves, buried.

_Probably snuffed out_, Bulma thought with a ridiculous amount of calm. _Oh well. At least I still have my best friend glowing like a fucking halogen light bulb—_

The entire tree burst into flames.

Frieza's cape caught fire, and Cell began melting faster. All the beetles and cockroaches rushed to the tree, but somehow ended up dragging Krillin with them. Grabbing him by his pasta hair—a move she would scrub her hands so hard that the skin peeled off later—she dragged him up, hefted his heavy arse onto her back, and turned to run. The flames had spread to the trees behind her, to all the trees in the clearing, and—

"Duck!"

_Where_? But Bulma didn't have time to see as the entire forest was filled with blinding light. With a yelp, she closed her eyes and curled up on the ground, Krillin on the ground next to her.

"You look pathetic, woman."

She opened her eyes. Her head shot up, and she blinked. "Vegeta?"

He raised an eyebrow. "You called?"

She couldn't describe the bubbling joy that grew from the pit of her stomach and engulfed her, so she did the only thing the dense warrior could understand—she flung herself at him and kissed the daylights out of the saiyan.

She drew back and looked at her handiwork. Vegeta was still reeling from the 'surprise'. He blinked at her and said, "It's our anniversary."

Bulma laughed. "No, darling." _It's the one time you come and save my arse_. "I just love you a lot, that's all. Now, don't open your mouth and make me change my mind. Let's get out of here, fast."

Vegeta swooped her up and took off to the skies. She turned to him, and said, "Vegeta, did Frieza have a thing for body paint?"

"What colour?"

"Pin"—

"Don't say another word."

Silence. "Did he have a thing for cosplays?"

"Who?"

"Superm"—

This time, Vegeta kissed her to silence.

* * *

Krillin woke up, rubbing his head. It was feeling so woolly...he only felt like this after hangovers, and he was pretty sure he didn't have one. With a groan, he got to his feet, and opened his eyes.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGH!"

"Oh my fucking god, man," Yamcha said, pulling the sheet off him. "You scream like a girl, dude. Watch that octave."

"You gave me a fucking heart attack, you asshole!" Krillin yelled, clutching his chest.

"You just said 'asshole'."

"You just said 'octave'. That's too intelligent a word, coming from you."

"Where's Bulma? Wasn't she with you?"

Krillin shrugged and looked around as the thought struck him as well. "Where is she? And what was with the effects? I know you're out to scare her and all, but did you really have to make a Frieza lookalike?"

Yamcha frowned and opened his mouth, but the thunder stopped him. They both looked up, and saw the sky clouding over. "Let's get out of here, man," Yamcha said. "This storm's going to be a fast one."

Krillin looked around, and saw a cabin

not too far from them. He wondered how he had missed it during the night, but Yamcha said, "Let's go and chill there till the storm passes, dude."

He opened his mouth to ask where the cabin had been all that time, but the bolt of lightning that came crashing at them had him and Yamcha running into the cabin. They lit a fire, and sat down in front of it, warming their hands. Krillin broke the silence. "I know you were trying to scare Bulma, Yamcha, but did you forget I was there, too? I mean, that was some serious stuff you pulled there."

"What are you talking about, dude?"

"I'm talking about the pink Frieza"—

"I was asleep the whole damn time, dude. I woke up and saw you hugging a damn rock. And what's with the pink Frieza?"

Krillin looked at him. He didn't know anything.

"So, if you didn't do it, who"—

The fire died away abruptly. Krillin forgot to breathe. Next to him, Yamcha whispered, "The fuck?"

_I have you right where I want you, maggots. Time to have some fun._

"Mr Popo"—

And that was the last coherent thing either of them said for a very long time.

* * *

**A/N: I know the last time Mr. Popo got bored is more hilarious than this one...still, if those of you who're reading this liked it, do let me know. This is half inspired by my APH fanfic '**My Friend Natalia**' and half from Team Four Star stuff—I swear, if they started selling their stuff, they'd mint MILLIONS.**

**And sorry for the swearing. I was pretty lenient with the stuff...apologies to anyone offended.**

**If you liked this even a little bit, I'll be happy.**

**Love,**

**R. K. Iris.**


End file.
